Wednesday, February 6, 2013


Before we get all excited and jump on this bandwagon let's rewind a bit. I have an issue with this, if you forgive someone but feel THEY DO NOT DESERVE IT...will this really give you peace?

EVERYONE deserves to be forgiven, everyone. But what is forgiveness, truly?

The dictionary describes it as such:

Forgive: stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offence, flaw or mistake.

Thats right. That's all it is. Your choice to stop feeling angry or resentful. It doesn't change what happened. It becomes about your choice on how YOU deal with it. However, it won't give you the peace you are looking for without your own belief that the other party is entitled to your forgiveness.

There are so many historical examples of people who have forgiven others for heinous crimes or actions against them. Nelson Mandela comes to mind. True forgiveness has you (the forgiver) finding empathy enough towards others to truly believe that their actions were human and based on their own suffering.

Having said all of this, just because we have forgiven someone for whatever transgressions they may have taken, it doesn't mean we are obligated to remain in the relationship. Believe me, I know that one well. We can hang on for years, lifetimes, hoping that our forgiveness will change facts about a person or relationship that we have no control over.

Forgiveness does not change the other person. But you can allow it to change you enough to move on.


Catherine Arends said...

Thanks Louise - well said - in ways that you already know, that helps me. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Absolutely true --love this column...Brenda J Wood