Black Diamonds

I started to ski when I was 16 and don’t intend to stop anytime soon. When I first went skiing it was on a high school trip. I just pointed myself downhill and barreled through screeching and laughing all the way. I have had a few close calls over the years with some good tumbles and near misses. I have become wiser as I have aged and with that I became more cautious. 

Hubby and I missed a turn somewhere last week and ended up at the top of an expert “Black Diamond” hill. He peered over the edge for me and said it looked fine. So we made our way down the first slope. Beyond it was a much steeper and completely iced up slope. He pointed his skiis down the hill and blasted to the bottom. I stood there thinking….

• Did I wear good underwear today?
• How will they get me out of here on a stretcher with all this ice?
• Would a broken leg heal in time to dance at our sons wedding in August?
• I can’t afford to miss work.
• Our skating team competes at Nationals in a few weeks.
• Do I have any plastic bags to cover a cast in the shower?
• Can I get a refund on my yoga class?
• I am glad I am wearing a helmet.
• This is going to hurt.

So, without further ado…I slowly and awkwardly edged my way down the hill. Hubby literally lay down in the snow and patiently waited.

Sometimes we have to stop and assess where we are and where we are going in life. Then take it at a pace that is comfortable for us so that we feel we are more likely to succeed. 

Even if it takes longer. Even if it doesn’t look perfect. Even if we fail along the way.

This is a good metaphor for the journey of weight loss or any behaviour change. It is a long road full of challenges. We are so eager to get it done quickly. But, in that we risk setting ourselves back which can be discouraging and ultimately slows us down even further. Changing a lifetime of habits doesn’t happen over night. But if you are patient and persistent you will get there.

Bad News

We cancelled CNN a few months ago. It is not our news channel of choice as it is too sensationalistic (not that other news agencies are much better). We rarely watch the news on TV. We choose our news through the newspaper or on the web. 

It seems that most of the news on TV is blown out of proportion and focuses on the negative side of our culture and society. As someone who works very hard at staying positive and optimistic, watching the news is low on my list. One of the first pieces of advice any therapist will give you if you are feeling depressed is not to watch the news.

I have always felt that if something significant happened I would hear about it. On Friday, March 11th we woke up to the devastating news that Japan had been hit not only by a massive earthquake, but a tsunami that swept away thousands of people.

We switched on the TV and flipped between channels (darn, no CNN) and dug around the web looking for the most up-to-date news. As the situation deteriorated we became even more glued to the tube. As the weekend wore on, the TV stayed on. We watched it first thing in the morning, had half and eye on it all day and went to bed with the news.

Sprinkled in between news of this great tragedy was information about a war brewing with Libya, and other man made catastrophes. I was feeling bombarded with negative, devastating information that I could do nothing about. 

Like many of you, I walked around feeling sad and helpless. I felt guilty. How I can be here shopping for dresses, eating more than I should and sleeping in the comfort of my own home while everything has been taken away from so many. 

As the week wore on I could feel my energy getting lower. How could I allow myself to feel good with all of this going on? That wouldn’t be fair would it?

We have watched the Japanese people take on this tragedy with dignity and grace. No looting, no riots. They are providing a great example to the rest of the world. You always have a choice on how you react to any situation. They will not allow themselves to become victims to this culturally defining disaster. They will do what they have done before. Rise above the ashes, learn and be stronger for it. 

So what can we do? Learn from their example. Learn from their mistakes (please, let's find alternative energy). Take stock of our lives. Be mindful and grateful for the small stuff. Take part in any fundraising activities or just give. Send them your warm thoughts and prayers. 

I guess that is all that we can do. 

GIVE NOW

Fitting In

I am in the midst of dress shopping for our youngest sons wedding in August.

A "shopper" I am not. For some women it is almost a sport. For me it is a necessary evil.

What I dislike even more than shopping is shopping with a very specific agenda. 

• Must be a dress (I almost never wear dresses)
• Not too short (that is so over)
• Not too long (this is a party not a ball)
• No cleavage (anyone with boobs knows how it feels when nobody looks you in the eye all evening)
• Short sleeves (we are talking pre-menopausal in August)
• No black, white or patterns
• Appropriate for a 50 year old mother of the groom

The rule for the M.O.G. in the etiquette books is: shut up and wear beige. I don’t think so!

I went to our local mall this week. It is now “prom season”. So, the choices include pouffy, short, sleeveless and or low cut frocks in either ice cream colours or black. Beyond that there is the grandmotherly frock with the appropriate length, frooshing for coverage of all bumps and a matching wee jacket. Nope.

So, the hunt continues. What drives me bonkers (yes, I know it’s a short drive) is the “little boutique” style shopping seems to all but have vanished in suburban Canada. All we have are big box stores with cookie cutter designs. Amazing – big stores with very little choice.

I am learning that trying to find fashionable appropriate clothing for a middle-aged yet far from frumpy woman is a challenge. 

Focusing on the beauty thing is an interesting journey. Last week I went for a makeover. I didn’t come out looking as young as I would have liked (imagine that). However, I found a foundation to cover my age spots and acne (Check out: bareMinerals). A bit ironic to have acne and age spots at the same time. A good example of how I feel…like a young woman in an aging body. How am I supposed to dress that?

Here Comes The Judge

There are two forms of judgment out there. The first being official judging of a sport or competition. The other comes from those who sit in judgment of others in a critical manner.

As a child in the figure skating world I struggled to compete. I do not have a competitive bone in my body. I just wanted to have fun. That didn’t go over too well in a world where everything you learn is judged. Hence, I quit skating earlier than I would have liked. At that time there wasn’t much choice, you competed or you didn’t skate.

Fourteen years ago I discovered an adult synchronized skating team that skated just for the joy of it. I have never looked back. I love it. We compete for the fun of it. Funny thing is I have learned to love the competitions and being judged.

Interesting how we evolve. Over the years I have begun to value good, constructive feedback. It is how we learn to be the best we can be. It is where we develop true wisdom.

There are many areas in life where feedback helps us do better. Both of our sons are young adults out there learning their trades and receiving feedback as they go along. The best teachers and mentors give good, honest constructive assessments to help them move forward. I love receiving feedback at work; it helps me serve our members better. I want feedback on my cooking so that I know how to adjust meals to please my family. They have learned that if they tell me they love something I will keep making it for them. I don't know if they don't like it if they don't tell me.

Now, there can be a fine line between feedback and criticism. There are times where I take well intentioned feedback as criticism (my husband could write a whole blog on this alone). When it is true judgemental criticism I take it very personally and have a tough time knowing how to respond to it gracefully.

We move through the world affecting others with our own behaviors. We base our assessment of ourselves on our own intentions. But we don’t always know the true impact we have on those around us. That is what good feedback gives us, a mirror to see how we impact the world around us.

This weekend our skating team competed in a competition. In our first skate the judges gave us a big deduction. We didn’t know why so we sought out the feedback. Once we knew what we needed to change, we changed it (in the dressing room. Way to go girls!). In our second skate we had no deductions and a high score and won a gold medal.

Feedback gives us the information we need to do better. Who doesn’t want that?

Think Different

I am all for thinking different. This video shows us how thinking outside of the box and pushing our limits can change our world.

I know that I don't have it in me to create a big new invention or risk life and limb for science. But can I still change the world? Yes. And so can you.

As Ghandi said, "Be the change we want to see in the world". Your actions or reactions to the world around you will inspire others. We are all leaders in our own lives.

We need to take the time to step back and assess how we move through the world every now and then. I am finding as fifty looms nearer I am becoming more introspective about this.

This article I found through my friends at Speakers' Spotlight reminded me of how important our small actions are in this world.

Take a moment to read this: STEP BACK FROM THE BAGGAGE CLAIM.

I have the book added to my Amazon Wish List!

Enjoy!

“Stuff I Am Going To Do”

You just have to love Disney and Pixar! I have taken to watching animated films lately. Quite frankly I find them more enjoyable, entertaining and they usually have a nice message. Last night I chose to watch “UP”. 

What a delightful mixture of comedy, adventure and tear invoking drama! It was a great reminder to us all to find a way to stay present in your daily life, slow down and truly savour the small and special moments each day.

The movie revolves around a couple's dream to live at the top of Victoria Falls in South America. As life "happens" the dream keeps being put off. The wife has a scrap book and in the back is a blank section titled "Stuff I Am Going To Do". After she dies her husband is filled with regret to have never been able to fulfill her dream. Adventure ensues as he decides to do it himself. In the end he comes to realize as he looks at the book one more time, that she had filled that section with everyday joys she experienced with him along the way. She had no regrets. 

I am very grateful that I have learned this lesson along the way and put it into practice each and every day. I don’t want to miss all the small things that connect the dots in this journey of life.

We all have dreams and ambitions in life; they are what drive us forward. Having said that, if we don’t get to those dreams we can feel like we failed at the game of life. But, if we enjoy the ride and find gratitude in the small stuff such as our children’s laughter, a good cup of coffee or a beautiful sunset the ride will be just as rewarding as any goal we have set.

I find as I turn fifty I am able to embrace it with joy and no regret because I have savoured all of the joyful moments along the way. Those with regret of not having accomplished their to do list seem to have more trouble embracing aging. 

This quote from one of my favourite author’s sums it up for me:

"It's surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time. 

~ Barbara Kingsolver"

Have a great day and take time to notice the good moments along the way.