What IS a Wedding?

My wedding day speech to our son...

Our son has always been an inquisitive child. I first clued into this when he was around four. He asked me from the back seat of our station wage as we trundled along with Fred Penner playing in the cassette player “Mom. Why is the sky blue?”.

Hence, I was not surprised when a few months ago as we where embroiled in of one of the many wedding-planning discussions he looked at me and asked “What IS a wedding supposed to be anyhow?”

Well, I said...you could “get married” anywhere at anytime. A wedding, well a wedding is a celebration and a rite of passage for the bride and groom and their respective families.

However, when we sat down to work on the guest list we all began to realize just how many people we had in our lives that just “had” to be there and what this wedding would mean to us.

We began the list with our own parents. Throughout our own lives they provided the examples we needed to measure ourselves as parents along the way. As grandparents they have been there with their wisdom, unconditional love and unlimited bragging rights to our children.

Then there are the Uncles and Aunts, Aunties or Auntries. Our siblings. They were there along side of us as when were raised; each with their own unique perspective of what is was like to grow up in our respective families. We have helped each other raise and care for our children. They babysat you, burped you and took you to the zoo. They came to family gatherings armed with loving hugs, their best pies and casseroles. And, they always brought along your cousins.

Yes the cousins. They undoubtedly were always the fun part of any family gathering. You sat together at the designated ‘kids table’ giggling your way through dinner. You laughed with and at each other when someone had milk spurt out of their nose and wondered who farted this time. If you were prepared, you remembered to hide your prized Lego creations before the youngins arrived. You had sleepovers, we had sleepless nights. You had adventures, we patched you up afterwards. Yes, cousins are truly a blast.

But nobody knows more about what is it like to be raised in your home, by your parents than your own brother. Your sibling is your partner in crime. He has been there, in the trenches of cribs, playpens, sandboxes, bunk beds, campers, long…long plane rides, hotel rooms. He has logged umpteen hours in the back seat of the family mini-van with you. He helped you navigate my mood swings with his own unique spidey-senses. He advised you to wait until Dad is away before breaking the news about “INSERT DILEMA HERE”. He had your back and you had his during those years of teen espionage. He will always be the only person who gets the inside jokes, nicknames and special voices unique to this branch of our family.

We could not have this great party without our “chosen” family members. Our friends. Some of you have been our friends since we were in high school and were with us on our own wedding day. Some of us met when our kids where infants and toddlers. There are those of you here that we know as neighbours, colleagues and teammates. We have had great times together over the years with and without the kids. We spent many hours over coffee, dinner and drinks while the sound of our children’s laughter mixed with the rattle of Lego being excavated echoed through our homes. We have camped, skied, cruised and had fun weekend adventures in some of Ontario’s finest destinations and hotel suites!

I would be remiss if I did not mention the infamous playgroup. We helped each other survive the early days of parent hood through many mornings of coffee and chaos. We gave and took advice, babysat, sewed Halloween costumes, drank wine, laughed and cried through all of the child raising years and beyond. We have managed to stay connected for over 25 years and continue to be the best therapy a woman could ever ask for.

For us, your parents, we have been there to kiss tears away, read bedtime stories, light birthday candles, provide taxi service, douse you in sunscreen and lay awake worrying on a Saturday night. We have tried to provide you with guidance and good examples of how to be in the world. And we certainly have had moments where we showed you what NOT to do. With all good intentions we ended up showing you that two male hamsters do not want to make friends, the “Tower of Terror” really is a terror to a seven year old, and White Water Rafts really do flip over!

And now, as of today, you have in-laws!  A mirror image of what I just described. Over the years as we have come to know this family, we have marvelled on how very fortunate you are to have such wonderful people as your in-laws. We couldn’t have asked for more.

So today two tribes have merged.

There is an old African proverb that states, “It takes a village to raise a child”. We have the village’s that raised both of you united in this room tonight.

So, to answer your question son. This is a wedding. A gathering of everyone who cares about you. 

Let’s all raise our glasses and toast this beautiful and unique village.